My heart is pounding as I begin to type this. Mainly because this is the most open and honest I’ve ever been on my blog. Here we go…
Like many people during and after college, I drank alcohol—sometimes too much. There were mornings I woke up ashamed and confused: “Why did I do that? I feel awful. Did I really text that? I argued with my brother?” People often say, “We’ve all been there,” but the truth is we haven’t all experienced the same things or faced the same consequences.
I started to question my behavior. Who was I becoming and why? As a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist, I knew I shouldn’t be abusing my body. I felt embarrassed and as if I were living a lie. I hit rock bottom. It’s strange how much inner pain someone can carry while everyone else sees only what’s posted on social media. We need to be honest about our feelings and accept that it’s okay to cry and feel vulnerable. It doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human.
Giving up alcohol in 2017 brought me clarity. It was one of the best things I did for my health.
If you know me, you know I like to plan. I prefer order and control—classic Type A—which makes it ironic that drinking can strip away control. Before college I also struggled with disordered eating in junior high. I was never officially diagnosed with anorexia or bulimia; doctors labeled it “disordered eating.”
I had these thoughts in my head that I was fat…even though I was 87 pounds.
Thinking back gives me chills. I obsessed over exercise—running and previously gymnastics—and I barely ate. I’d hide my lunch in the bathroom at school, call a large apple a meal, and avoid eating around others. I was constantly cold, weak, and exhausted. My body tried to compensate for lack of fat, and I felt an emptiness physically and emotionally. Recovery began when my dad, who passed away years later, lay beside me and said, “I don’t want to lose my baby girl.”
Years later I recovered physically and tried to fit in during high school and prepare for college. Instead of fixing on food, I shifted focus to alcohol.
Not everything from those years was negative. I made meaningful memories—wine tastings, weddings, and family vacations. Alcohol can be part of enjoyable moments, but many of us forget what responsible drinking looks like. The problem is taking one glass too far and losing control. By late 2016 I no longer wanted my personal brand or reputation to be defined by that stereotype.
Over time I paid close attention to my drinking and to what happened to people around me. I witnessed incidents that were frightening and heartbreaking—relationships damaged, people hospitalized. Those moments prompted me to ask, “Why do I drink?” Take a moment and answer that for yourself.
For me, drinking often started as a way to fit in. My first drink was about being “cool.” Later, I drank to dull dissatisfaction with aspects of my life, but alcohol usually made things worse. My hometown was even labeled by a national publication as “The Drunkest City in America,” which is not something to celebrate. I realized my drinking was influenced by peer pressure and a desire to escape.
No single dramatic event made me stop drinking. Instead it was a collection of moments—some that affected me directly and others that affected people I cared about. Becoming a Registered Dietitian and opening up about my past revealed that many colleagues had faced disordered eating too. That shared experience helped me feel less alone and more willing to be vulnerable.
I’m sharing this hoping it helps at least one person. Maybe you relate and feel less alone. Maybe you reconsider why you drink or decide to support someone who drinks excessively.
We all have our own struggles. I just hope opening up about mine can help someone in some way.
When I told people I planned to give up alcohol for 2017, responses varied from admiration to “Good luck.” I didn’t do it for praise or attention; I did it to learn more about myself. I wanted to face my habits without seeking validation. Writing this was difficult—there were tears, gratitude, stress, and relief—but becoming a stronger, more positive person has outweighed any judgment.
Will I drink in 2018? Yes. But I refuse to ever feel obligated to explain why I’m not drinking, and you shouldn’t either. People often pressure others to drink without considering health conditions, family history, or personal goals. It’s okay to be social and not drink. Most people didn’t even notice I wasn’t drinking in 2017—water with lime and a splash of cranberry was my go-to.
Some friends joked they’d hand me a glass at midnight on New Year’s Eve, and that’s fine. My decision to drink again will be mine alone.
It’s my body, it’s my choice.
Here are some positive changes I experienced by giving up alcohol
- I practiced yoga regularly and connected with my body. It became a meaningful habit.
- I fell in love with indoor cycling and even became an instructor at CycleBar Clovis/Fresno—something I never imagined in 2016.
- I ate better and didn’t crave greasy late-night foods.
- I developed a soft spot for LaCroix.
- My sleep improved significantly.
- I became a better listener, more present with friends instead of focused on drinking.
- My self-care increased: more baths, green tea, pedicures, new clothes, essential oils, house plants, and even welcoming an Aussie puppy named Bella.
Did I have a social life in 2017? Yes, though it looked different. I attended fewer late nights because I prioritized early workouts, farmers markets, and rest. I still accepted invitations sometimes and declined others. That balance helped me care for my health.
“What if I stop drinking and lose my friends?” I worried about that before my challenge. But the most valuable friendships are with people who care less about whether you drink and more about who you are.
- Know when and how to say no. If you’re tired or need to prioritize yourself, it’s okay to decline. True friends will understand. Saying no is an act of self-care—only you know what’s best for you on any given day.
Some of my 2017 goals included:
Health Goals:
- No alcohol in 2017. No exceptions.
- Exercise at least 5x/week—cycling, running, walking, rugby, yoga, etc.
- Stand at my standing desk 60–70% of the work day.
- Get 7–8 hours of sleep nightly.
Relationship Goals:
- Send hand-written thank you notes for gifts.
- Get together with girlfriends at least once a month.
- Spend quality time with my mom weekly.
- Visit Ryan more.
- Spend time with Teagan and Meg outside of bars and parties.
- Be a better listener.
Personal Goals:
- Read one book per month.
- Journal weekly or more.
One last thing: my dad wrote an open letter to my brothers and me two days before my 16th birthday. He reminded us that everyone faces adversity, and it’s our mental habits that determine how we respond. His message was clear:
Adversity causes some people to break & others to break records.
I’m young—only in my twenties—but I’ve faced challenges. My father’s words continue to motivate and challenge me to be the person he believed I could be. I was in a low place and had to push through adversity to move forward. Success rarely comes without difficulty.
The past doesn’t have to define or defeat us—it can strengthen us. In 2017 I invested in my health, career, and relationships with the confidence that it would lead to a better future. Cheers to growth and to the year ahead.
